then tuesday came. darn tues. Wyatt had another febrile seizure, but this time he stopped breathing. for a long time. crazy sounding words were thrown out in the ER, like intubate and resuscitate, call social work and other exclamations i, luckily, have blocked out. the breathing tube came out relatively quickly, and he has been breathing fine on his own for over 24 hours. we are likely going home tonight. we have been through this before. fever hits, sometimes a seizure, trip to the ER, a few days inpatient, an antibiotic, and home again. this time feels different. there are conversations about a "plan". mom, dad, do you have one? let's think about one. etc, etc.
i'm not sure i'm ready for a plan. planning doesn't always seem to work out for me. i planned to have a soccer team of kids. i planned to go on camping trips with my kids. i planned to braid their hair and play dress up. i planned to color with them and scold them and wash the dirt from their boo-boos. i know that this type of plan is different. but i never "planned" that parenthood would come with this kind of choice. maybe it will all be for nothing and it will never be put into place. but adversity like this seems too much to plan for, today anyway.